- Hey, everybody. Happy Thanksgiving. - No, no, no.
Are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year?
We're playing a game I learned.
You have to name all the states in six minutes.
What? That's like insanely easy.
It's harder than it sounds. You always forget one.
Or in some cases, 14.
It's stupid and I wasn't playing with people, so technically, I didn't lose.
You forgot 14 states?
Nobody cares about the Dakotas!
Okay, time's up.
All right, I got 48.
That's not bad. Pheebs?
I got tired of naming states, so I listed the types of celery.
And I have one, regular celery.
So Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in...
...vegetables. Joey?
Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game.
- Wow, how many you got? - Fifty-six.
The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
English Subtitles by Gelula/SDI
Hey, how is New England not a state?
They have a sports team.
Does South Oregon have a sports team?
There you go.
Why one extra place setting?
You invited your assistant.
Oh, right, sorry. Tag's not coming.
His girlfriend came into town, so he's with her.
Why didn't you tell me?
I made him his own sweet potato stuffed pumpkin.
I was going to, but then I figured...
...your food is so delicious and perfect...
...you can never have too many of those pumpkin things.
You'd think I wouldn't enjoy that since it's so fake, but I still do.
Regular celery!
I already have that.
Done...
...with time to spare.
- This may be a new world's record. - I hate to lecture you guys...
...but it's disgraceful that a group of well-educated adults...
...and Joey can't name all the states.
You ever see a map or one of those round colorful things called a globe?
Magellan? You got 46 states.
- What? That's impossible. - Forty-six.
Well, who's well-educated now, Mr. L-Forgot-Ten-States?
I'm going to go turn on Joey's oven.
Please, watch him. Do not let Joey eat any of the food.
I am only one man.
- Okay, time is up. - Now, just give me another minute.
If you don't know them by now, you never will, okay?
That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.
This is crazy. I can do this.
All right, I bet I can get all 50 before dinner.
Okay, but if you can't, no dinner.
You're on.
Don't look at my list, because there's a lot on there that you don't have.
Did you know your oven doesn't work?
The drawer full of takeout menus is okay, right?
Ross, I'm gonna use yours.
Chandler, give me a hand.
Joey, do not let Ross look at maps or the globe in your apartment.
Don't worry. It's not a globe of the United States.
I'm gonna go out and take a walk.
Phoebe, why is your bag moving?
- Oh, it's not. - Seriously, it's moving.
- What the hell's in there? - It's just my knitting. That's all.
Yes, I knit this.
I'm very good.
Ross' apartment is nice. Why don't we hang out here?
Maybe because it smells weird.
It's like old pumpkins or something.
- That's my pie. - Which smells delicious.
- Uh-oh. Uh-oh. - What?
We left Joey alone with the food.
Yep, yep, I knew it.
There he is...
...feeding stuffing to a dog!
Hi, Geller-Bing residence. How can I help?
Why is a dog in our apartment?
I'm sorry, who's this?
There's a dog sitting on my couch.
Tell her I'm allergic, and I will sue!
- There's no dog here. - There is!
He's black and white and shaggy.
He's sitting next to Rachel and licking her hand.
Oh, my God! Where are you?
I'll be right there.
They're here already? How are they doing this?!
Hi, Tag. What are you doing here?
I wanted to see if your offer was still good.
Well, sure. Come in.
Well, what happened to your girlfriend?
We kind of broke up this morning.
- Oh, I'm sorry. - Yeah, so she went back to Ohio.
Ohio, thank you.
Where's the dog?
What dog? There's no dog here.
Yeah, that dog left.
Phoebe. Phoebe, open up.
There's no dog in here.
Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking.
No, that's just me coughing.
Oh, good. There you are.
Listen, I have a dog in my room.
What is it doing here?
I'm watching it for friends who left town.
Wait.
Hello, my name is Klunkers.
May I please stay with you nice people?
I wish he could stay, but Chandler's allergic.
Extremely allergic, okay?
If I'm anywhere near a dog for more than five minutes...
...my throat will just close up.
That's odd. This dog's been living here for the past three days.
Really?
If he's been here that long...
...without a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to it.
It still has to go, right?
Why?
- Okay, it's... - Don't do it!
- Don't do what? - I have to.
Okay? It's time.
Okay, I hate dogs.
- What?! - That's crazy? Why?
Told you.
They are needy...
...jumpy, and you can't tell what they are thinking...
...and that scares me a little bit.
You're right. They are scary.
She just ate a treat out of my hand!
Wait. Do you not like all dogs?
I mean, not even puppies?
Is there a puppy here?
- You don't like puppies? - Okay, you are new.
Look, Chandler, I told you. Never tell anyone about this dog thing.
It's like Ross not liking ice cream.
- You don't like ice cream? - It's too cold!
It's just that dogs make me a little uncomfortable.
Hurts my teeth.
And I don't want you guys to hate me...
...but I don't think I can be around that dog anymore, okay?
So either the dog goes or I go.
Oh, my God!
How can I not get this?
I'm a college professor. I got 1 450 on my SATs.
Twelve fifty.
Damn, I forgot you were here.
We're gonna take Klunkers to Ross'.
We'll be back soon.
Can I ask you a question?
When a guy breaks up with his girlfriend...
...what is an appropriate amount of time to wait before making a move?
I'd say about a month.
Really? I'd say three to four.
Half-hour.
Interesting.
When it's your assistant, I'd say never.
All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you?
Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo point.
A "moo" point?
Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion.
It just doesn't matter.
It's "moo. "
Have I been living with him for too long, or did that make sense?
Don't listen to Joey.
Okay, would you look at him?
He's obviously depressed. He's away from his family.
What he needs right now is for you to be his friend.
You're right. I'm sorry. Thank you.
- Okay, that's what I'm going to do. - Fine, take their advice.
No one ever listens to me.
When the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside.
How you holding up?
Not bad.
- I'm sorry about your girlfriend. - Thanks.
- Were you guys together a long time? - A year, on and off.
I thought we'd end up together. I don't anymore.
- Now that she broke up with you. - Yeah.
It's weird.
I used to assume that I would meet someone and fall in love and be happy.
That all that was just a given. Lately, it's like, what if it's not?
Do you ever have that feeling?
No.
Yeah.
All the time. Constantly. It's terrifying.
But you know, then I figure it has to work out.
Why?
Because it has to.
- You have all the answers, don't you? - No, no, I do. I really do.
- Thanks for talking to me. - Come on, what are bosses for?
Hug it out.
All right, he likes you back.
Told you you should go for it.
What?
Street noise drown any of that out?
No? See you later.
Okay.
What did Joey say? I like you back?
Joey knows that I'm very insecure about my back.
And you were hugging me...
...so obviously you are not repulsed by it. Yeah!
- Wait, that doesn't make any sense. - No?
All right, here's the truth.
Joey said what he said...
...because I'm attracted to you.
Wow.
Yeah, I admit it.
I have a crush on you. I know that's crazy because we work together...
...and nothing could ever happen.
The last thing I wanted to do was freak you out...
...or make you feel uncomfortable.
Which is why it would be great if you said something right about now.
Oh, my God. Those guys are stealing my car.
What?
Right there. That's my car!
- Hey! - Okay, that'll take one minute.
Do you have anything else to say?
I can't believe it.
We still have time to talk, and they're not even in the car yet.
Look, there they go.
Okay, Phoebe. We should probably go back now.
Please, don't leave me. I'll be lonely.
Stop it. Stop.
- Okay, let's go. We can be strong. - Yeah, okay.
Did you hear that? She said, "Monica. "
I can't leave her.
We could sneak the dog back and Chandler wouldn't even know.
That won't work.
I've had that dog for three days, and Chandler had no idea.
He's not so smart.
Hey. I didn't know either.
Yeah, but you kind of knew that something was going on, didn't you?
Yeah, I knew.
Where's Chandler?
- Here I am. - Wash your hands.
How did you know?
Hey, what's she doing back here?
Relax, Ross. She's not made of ice cream.
Hey, look, Phoebe. I laid out the states geographically.
We don't have time. We have to keep Chandler away.
- Yeah, but, look what... - This is what we do not have time for!
- Where's Monica? - In Phoebe's room. You can't go in.
Why not?
Monica's crying.
She's very upset about this whole Klunkers thing.
- Well, I should go in there. - No, no.
No, she doesn't want to see you right now.
- Why not? - Because you sent away the dog.
- That's ridiculous. - Oh, is it? Is it?!
Look, when Monica and I were kids, we had a dog named Rover.
And one day, my dad decides he doesn't like dogs.
So Monica and her friend, Phyllis...
...take away the dog and that was the last time we ever saw him. See?
This is just like that...
...only with a few details changed.
Okay, I'm in my sweatpants.
Bring on the food.
- What's the matter? - Monica's upset because of Klunkers.
So? Bring the dog back. You're a hero.
Yeah, I could be a hero. I could do that.
What if it attacks me?
Chandler, it's like a big gerbil.
And that doesn't scare you?
Ross, you need some help?
From you?
Yes, please.
First of all, Utah?
Dude, you can't just make stuff up.
I hate America!
When I finish this game, I swear I am moving.
- Tag still talking to the police? - Yeah.
Dammit. Why did I open my mouth?
"I have a crush on you. I'm attracted to you. "
I know that I freaked him out.
If you said it like that, you did.
Hey, is Chandler here?
No, he went for a walk.
Okay, you cannot tell him, but look who's back.
Well, no, no, no.
He went over to Ross' to bring the dog back here.
Oh, no, the dog's not going to be there!
You think?
Hi, honey.
Please, please, please, don't be mad at me.
- What? Why would...? - Wait and see.
Maybe we will, maybe we won't.
Okay, I went over to Ross' to bring back Klunkers for you...
...and I left the door open, and she must've gotten out.
And I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof.
Which, FYI, Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed.
I couldn't find him...
...and I am so, so, so sorry.
But I do know where we can all go ease the pain.
We have good news. Look who's back!
Klunkers. Oh, my God!
- She came back all by herself. - It's a Thanksgiving miracle.
It is so good to see you.
She came all the way back from Ross'.
The things she must've seen.
She climbed up the fire escape...
...and tapped on the window with her teeny paw, and we ran to let her in.
I went too far, didn't I?
When should I have stopped?
Okay, maybe this is so hard, because there aren't 50 states.
Let me tell you something. I have 49 states...
...and there are no more!
I think I should be able to eat something.
It's up to you.
- Oh, hi. How are you doing? - I'm okay.
I got to go to the police station and look at mug shots.
Thanks for having me over.
Tag, you're going?
We didn't even get a chance to talk.
So where did you say you're from again?
- Colorado. - What good are you?
Look, I think we should talk about what happened on the terrace.
Okay.
I never should've said what I said.
It just doesn't matter how I feel.
We work together, so nothing could ever happen between us.
I would love to go to work on Monday and never talk about this again.
Okay. Big day, Monday. Lots to do.
So we okay?
I'm not.
I freaked you out.
No, you didn't.
What freaked me out was you saying nothing could happen between us.
- Really? - Yeah.
So please don't fire me for doing this.
That's one less thing we have to do on Monday.
Delaware.
- All right. - I want my turkey now.
You got it.
You got Nevada twice.
- I know. - Yeah.